16 4 / 2014

"Just because your pain is understandable, doesn’t mean your behavior is acceptable."

Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience (via paintdeath)

(Source: quotes-shape-us, via classymorelikekhaleesi)

15 4 / 2014

"It seems to me that making a false accusation of rape is considered far, far worse than committing an actual rape. I don’t just mean this in terms of the impact on the victim, but in terms of how people view the motivations and culpability of the guilty party. Rape is still considered an opportunistic crime, something that can happen almost by accident when a woman happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That rape culture exists – and that rapists spend years absorbing the idea that they are entitled to rape – is something a great many people still refuse to accept. By contrast, making false accusations is invariably presented as calculated and malicious. It’s something a false accuser could control, if she really wanted to. Unlike the rapist, the false accuser is not destined to commit a crime; she must have been enabled by a legal system which allowed her to get away with it (usually by granting anonymity). And so it is suggested by the likes of Hodges that we can’t stop rape – sorry, potential victims! – but that we can work on stamping out false accusations. We can’t control the impulsive, violent behaviour of (mostly) men but we can control the malicious behaviour of (mostly) women. Funny, that."

15 4 / 2014

"

Why can’t you just ‘choose happiness’ like Dolly Parton apparently did? Then be like ‘Haha! You thought I would hate being mansplained to and harassed but actually I love it!’ à la third wave feminists. Who do, let’s admit, seem to have a good time, unlike us bitter radical and intersectional and Marxist feminists.

Our habit of ‘raising consciousness’ about the aforementioned mansplaining and harassement doesn’t look too good in that light. In fact it’s a catch twenty-two situation which reminds me of a point raised by the ever excellent Glosswitch in a post about corrective/ coercive violence against children (or ‘smacking‘). I’m probably the only one of my siblings who would admit to thinking it did do me harm but it’s not like I lost a leg or anything, I can’t prove the harm was done by the smacking. So I’m just harmed. Damaged goods, you might say. Why listen to what I have to say about it as compared to the whole, unharmed people? Whose very existence, of course, disproves the idea that smacking and other forms of corrective/ coercive violence are inherently or even usually harmful.

Maybe I’m just holding a harmful value, objecting to social structures which uphold dynamics of corrective/ coercive violence against the relatively powerless by the relatively powerful (I’m not just talking about smacking here). If that value is the differentiating factor between me and other people in more or less the same circumstances, and I’m the only one who’s harmed, then somehow, perversely, that is the case.

I am a minority of one, holding an unexpectedly harmful value. I just don’t feel like a lunatic.

Which is why I’m thankful that I know so many other minorities of one. And that we have access to such perverse amounts of gin and each other, even if all too often only via the internet.

"

15 4 / 2014

"If the female body remains a beautiful mystery, if it remains an ethereal, abstract quantity, you don’t have to feel so bad when you do bad things to it."

14 4 / 2014

"

So with these two irrational arguments punctured, we need to wonder why men are so keen to protect rapists and abusers. My own personal theory is that they know in their hearts they, too, have something to hide. They remember that night where she was too drunk, they remember that boy who was far too young, they remember that time they had to wheedle and fight for it. They remember these things and they feel afraid, afraid that one day someone might be empowered to speak out. They can pretend away that any allegations would be false, but the truth is that these things were lines crossed, and deep down they know it.

It’s the only way I can explain why men are so persistent in pursuing something with no founding in evidence. Why else would they support something which only protects perpetrators?

"

http://stavvers.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/lets-question-why-men-want-anonymity-for-rape-defendants/

This brings to mind the crime of ‘rapemindedness' invented by one Radical Trans Feminist: men are generally reckless as to the question of consent, they are 'rapeminded' and do not trouble themselves to know for sure that the sex they have is consensual and not, in fact, rape.  For all they know, any one of their ex-lovers could make an allegation and they could not, honestly, tell themselves they know it to be false: they don’t know, because they don’t care unless they’re thinking about that allegation.

13 4 / 2014

"

What’s defined as ‘sex positive feminism’ tends to translate to: non-critical of the sex industry, BDSM, burlesque, and generally, anything that can be related to ‘sex’. ‘Non-judgement’ is the mantra espoused by so-called ‘sex-positive feminists’, which is troubling because it ends up framing critical thought and discourse as ‘judgement’ and therefore negative. Since I tend to see critical thinking as a good thing, the ‘don’t judge me’/’don’t say anything critical about sex because it’s sex and therefore anything goes’ thing doesn’t sit well with me.

'Sex negative', on the other hand, tends to be ascribed to feminists who are critical of prostitution, pornography, strip clubs, burlesque, BDSM and, really, sex and sexuality as defined by patriarchy and men. The reason that feminists are critical of these things is because they want to work towards a real, liberated, feminist understanding of sex and sexuality, rather than one that sexualizes inequality, domination and subordination, is male-centered, and is harmful and exploitative of women. To me, that sounds far more 'sex positive' (from a feminist perspective, anyway), than blind support for anything sex-related, because sex.

"

09 4 / 2014

"The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves."

07 4 / 2014

"I don’t consider myself a feminist, I prefer to call myself a humanist or an egalitarian."

- Pseudo-intellectual white dude who prefers to imagine that he’s more enlightened than feminists and also is uncomfortable with the thought that he’s part of the problem and also has a incorrect conception of feminism. (via brighterthanroses)

In fairness it’s worse when those guys insist they ARE feminists…

(Source: auto-rambler, via pseudopseudonym)

03 4 / 2014

"

We often experience our bodies as a fragile encumbrance, rather than the media for the enactment of our aims. We feel as though we must have our attention directed upon our bodies to make sure they are doing what we wish them to do, rather than paying attention to what we want to do through our bodies

Typically, the feminine body underuses its real capacity, both as the potentiality of its physical size and strength and as the real skills and coordination that are available to it

An essential part of the situation of being a woman is that of living the ever-present possibility that one will be gazed upon as a mere body, as shape and flesh that presents itself as the potential object of another subject’s intentions and manipulations, rather than as a living manifestation of action and intention. The source of this objectified bodily existence is in the attitude of others regarding her, but the woman herself often actively takes up her body as a mere thing. She gazes at it in the mirror, worries about how it looks to others, prunes it, shapes it, molds and decorates it.

This objectified bodily existence accounts for the self-consciousness of the feminine relation to her body and resulting distance she takes from her body

"

Iris Marion Young, Throwing Like a Girl and Other Essays in Feminist Philosophy and Social Theory, 1990. (via ausfeminist)

(Source: insufficientmind, via pseudopseudonym)

02 4 / 2014

"

With increased viewing, pornography becomes acceptable and what once disturbed fails to upset with habituation. While 60 percent of adults age fifty-nine and older believe pornography is demeaning toward women, only 35 percent of Gen-Xers - the most tolerant and often heaviest users - agree.

For example. after years of heavy viewing, Harrison noticed a shift in his perspective. At first it was subtle. “It’s kind of silly,” Harrison says, “but my standards changed.” The women he used to find attractive no longer seemed quite as attractive.

"Women who were otherwise good-looking but weren’t as overtly sexy as the women in porn don’t appeal to me as much anymore. I find that I look more for women who have the attributes I see in porn. I want bigger breasts, blonder hair, curvier bodies in general. Just better-looking overall."

It’s not, as Harrison explains carefully, as if before he got into Internet pornography he would have dated certain women and now he turns them away because they’re not porn-star material. It’s not that simple. But he’s noticed a change in his appraisal: “I find that when I’m out at a party or a bar, I catch myself sizing up women.” The feeling troubled him. “I would say to myself, ‘Wait a second. This isn’t a supermarket. You shouldn’t treat her like she’s some piece of meat. Don’t pass her up just because her boobs aren’t that big.’ “

"

Pornified: How pornography is transforming our lives, our relationships, and our families by Pamela Paul, p. 80 - 81

(via gynocraticgrrl)

(via feminismandhappiness)